Grief

I lost my grandpa about six months ago. It seems a lot longer. He spent about three years in Samoa serving the people there. It had a huge impact on him, and these sandals are from there. I wore them to his funeral.

As I have been consumed by the agony of losing him, I stumbled across some words that come close to describing my grief:

“Have you ever experienced absolute loss? I doubt that any one of us is a stranger to grief. No, more than grief. It’s deep down. Inside. Every cell screams. You can hear nothing else.”  

This is from the TV show Twin Peaks, spoken by the character Leland Palmer after he loses his daughter.

It surprises me how I can be doing well. I am happy just like grandpa would want me to be, and then sometimes it just hits me. It’s all consuming and you can’t escape, it chokes the tears out of you. The memories get caught in your throat and time seems to stop. They say that time is the only thing that will heal it, seeing as how time with him is what created this pain it seems appropriate.